Closet Case
by Dibs
Summary: Very interesting conversations can occur when one is in a closet...Stupid silliness, innuendos, and a closet.
1. Closet Case

Hi everybody! Woohoo! My first Harry Potter fic! I'm sorry to say that I thouhgt this up after several nights of sleep deprevation...Anyways, I have much more serious HP stories that I wanted posted first, but I got this one done in like an hour, so oh well. Ok, this story has some very heavy innuendos, but no slash or anything and very light language. So, enjoy!

Disclaimer: All the characters, settings, and other cool stuff is not mine, it's J.K. Rowlings. If I was making money off this, trust me I would write a lot faster.

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**Closet Case**

"Why did you drag me in here?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"I mean you literally dragged me into this damn closet, and I want to know why."

"Ummm…."

"Did you finally come to your senses?'

"What?"

"Did you finally realize that I'm the bloke for you and decided to drag me here and shag me senseless?"

"What! No! I'm not gay!"

"You're about as straight as a circle."

"How do you figure…"

"The only male in this school who has shagged less girls than you is Longbottom. Or maybe Snape."

"So what! I've been waiting for the right girl!"

A snort.

"Fine, how many girls have _you_ shagged?"

"A fair few, but I swing both ways."

"Ok, say I _was_ gay--which I'm not!--hypothetically, why would I choose you?"

"Hello! Have you_ seen_ me? I'm bloody drop dead gorgeous!"

"…you have such a small ego."

"Yes, well I assure you that's the only thing that's small."

"…"

"You know what? I think you do like being in here. You're very happy to see me."

"Don't touch my broomstick."

"But you have such a nice piece of wood."

"…really?"

"Yeah."

"I polished it extra hard this morning."

"Did you now?"

"Yeah. I haven't had a chance since school started. Been busy with homework and stuff."

"I see. That's too bad, it should be taken care of regularly."

"Yes, well, when you're busy…"

"I could polish it for you from time to time."

"No, I'd rather do it myself. I don't really like other people touching it."

"I'm sure that's just girls. If you'd let _me _polish it…"

"No, that's okay, but, um, thanks for the offer."

A sigh, followed by, "Alright, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Rather abrupt change of topic…"

"The other one wasn't getting me anywhere."

"Right. Well, I just—wait, someone's coming! Malfoy, get your hand off my broomstick!"

"Alright, fine!"

The clank of keys, the sound of one being jiggled in the lock, and finally a voice muttering, "Odd. It's unlocked…" The door swung open and Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were left blinking owlishly at Argus Filch.

"Ah, Mr. Filch—" Harry started, but Draco interrupted him.

"I was just admiring Harry's broomstick," he said.

"Er, right," said Filch, "Dinner just started, so get out of here before a teacher comes looking." The two boys nodded and quickly exited the closet. Filch watched them hurry down the hall before grabbing the Goo-B-Gone he had originally come to the closet for and locking the door firmly. As he walked away, he muttered, "Why do they always do the dirty things in the cleaning closets?"

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Phwee! So, there you go, random piece of wierdness from my sleep-deprived mind! I hope you liked it! Please review!

Dibs


	2. Tree Tribulations

Alrighty people, I found this when I was cleaning my room and I decided to post it. Once again, I own nothing here, and I hope you enjoy! Oh, I would also like to mention that these little things have no relevant timelines or plots, so they obviously don't fit in at all with the books.

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"Oh, shit."

"What?"

"It's stuck."

"What do you mean, it's stuck?"

"I _mean_ I can't get it out!"

"Well pull harder!"

"I am!"

"Obviously not hard enough or it would be out!"

"Oh, shut up!"

"Fine, then I won't help!"

"Good! You weren't being very helpful anyways!"

"Fine!"

Angry silence. Then, "You know I've won."

"What! You did not!"

"I touched it first, therefore I win."

"You also got it stuck! There has to be a penalty or something for that!"

"Well I made up the rules and I say there's not!"

"Yeah! Well I just made a rule that you suck!"

"You don't know that. Would you like to find out?"

"Oh, no you don't! That's what got us in this mess in the first place!"

"Alright fine…You know, this is really starting to hurt."

"So?"

"So could you go get Madame Pomfrey or something?"

"I thought you said I couldn't be helpful?"

"You weren't being helpful at the moment…but now you can be very helpful by getting somebody for me."

"Alright, I'll be right back."

Five minutes later Draco returned. Having not been able to find Madame Pomfrey, he'd dragged Dumbledore down here instead. Dumbledore sighed when he saw Harry with his hand stuck to the wrist in a small hole in a tree.

"Hi, Professor," Harry said sheepishly.

"Harry," said Dumbledore, "You have to let go of the Snitch." Harry stared at him for a moment.

"Oh," he said, uncurling his fist and pulling out his hand. The Snitch flew out after it and started zipping around Harry's head. Harry coughed.

"Well, erm, shall we return to the castle, Professor?" he asked, trying to stop blushing. Dumbledore just sighed and turned back to the castle. Draco fell in step behind him with Harry.

"I think I should get extra points for helping," he said.

"I still won," Harry said, smirking, as he grabbed the snitch hovering just above Draco's head. The other boy scowled.

"Oh, sod off, you git," he muttered.

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There you go, hope you enjoyed. I may post some more soon, I have a couple ideas I'd like to put up. Anways, I shall see all you lovely readers later! 


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